Recently an Irish woman told me she thought that golf was probably “a form of madness” which pretty much sums it up. You troll around a park in the howling wind and pissing rain wearing very silly trousers and smacking a little white ball into sand dunes and long grass and for this you pay a kings ransom. Go skiing instead. It may not be any more sensible a sport but at least people won’t think you’re a twat.

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