cat. Hurts. Itself. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Bringing people back from the dead to help you sell electronic consumer products may not be the new rock and roll, and some might say it’s pretty creepy, but bringing them back from the dead to play table tennis is just fucking cool. Frankly, I’d buy fresh dog shit if it was sold yo me [...]

I’d love to tell you that you must watch this for the trenchant satirical comment. But the truth is you should watch it if you want to be mildly amused whilst getting to watch lots of lovely tits under the pretence that you’re watching trenchant satire. If you catch my drift.

OK, this is just cool: God’s eye view on how we’re fucking up the planet. If this is what the Big Man has to sit and look at all day it’s no wonder the odd airplane occasionally goes down killing everyone on board for no discernable reason. Human error my arse, it’s a quick flick [...]

Fucking great. Like all huge thriving metropolises Branksome has its own underground music scene. These guys are the first to break out, cross over, and go mainstream leaving others from the Branksome scene to follow behind them. Like the Beatles did for Liverpool, Massive Attack did for Bristol, the Happy Mondays did for Manchester and [...]

Not content with winning the Internets, those dastardly felines are now planning to take over the world. Luckily,  phase 1 of the plan is to ride around on automated vacuum cleaners looking stupid, and none of them have any idea what phase 2 is. And even if they did they’d be too busy destroying expensive [...]

Old but funny: one to watch again and again. The way this fool spazzes out in the most effeminate way is pure poetry in motion. If epileptic seizures [...]

Arty farty ads suck cock. You know the type of shit I’m talking about: some wannabe artist starts directing shitty commercials because it’s the only way he can fund his appalling cocaine habit, then decides that the only way to salvage his concience is to inflict 30 atrocious seconds of art-wankery on an uncaring world. [...]

See below.

This is basically a lesson in how to be cool. If this was me I would whimper and cower like a frightened rodent before swearing long and loud telling the prankster in a shaky voice that that was not at all funny and I can’t see what the fuck everyone is laughing at. What I [...]

People are such fucking assholes. OK, this dog looks pretty gross, but it’s still just a dumb vulnerable defenseless beast, and ugliness is not an excuse to make a living creature suffer by giving it its body weight in LSD. If it were accidentally to catch sight of itself in a mirror it would explode [...]

Absolutely pure filth, this is essentially video game pron, but the great twist is that it appears to be voiced by kids and the characters look like kids. So this is not just video game pron, it’s video game kiddie pron! The perverts are taking over. This is probably not a good thing.

This really is piss your pants funny. Martial arts are the physical embodyment of mind over body, proof that the humans can achieve amazing feats [...]

The Onion: fucking nailing it every time, since 1988.

The advertising industry is often accused of lacking any balls at all, being safe, derivative and boring and creating unreasonable aspirations all just in order to manipulate a naive, unsuspecting public into buying crap they don’t really want and definately don’t need. And that’s probably all true. But every so ofgten an ad surfaces that [...]

OK, so this is a joke obviously. No one could ever be so fucking stupid as to try to sell a bare chested plastic doll that jerks itself off and makes orgasmic sounds, right?
What?
Wrong?
Someone has actually done that?
Who, for fucks sake?
Oh Disney, oh well, that’s fucking typical, why am I not surprised?

Stephen Fry is the UK’s premier rap and hip hop talent. He is well known for his phat beats and for keeping it real, eschewing bling and capping hos in favour of educating the youths of ghettos from Frimley to Highgate. He’s a national treasure and the day he dies will see an outpouring [...]

James Blunt is a useless cunt. Like some sort of annoying insect he seems to have been put on this planet only to make an irritating noise and get in your face and fluster you and make you angry. There is really no justification for the man and whilst I would never advocate killing anyone [...]

So it’s all over, the right guy won, hooray. Now can we fucking PLEASE get the internet back to what it’s supposed to be for? Singing animals, laughing babies, and idiots crashing shit into other shit and hurting themselves. Here’s a good one of that last sort.

You finally got it right. Third time lucky I guess.