You got a situation blowing up with some Iranian gangsters, and if you want half your squad shot to pieces by them, then this is the cop you need. He’s like the antithesis of an 80s cop badass. You wouldn’t catch Lieutenant Marion ‘Cobra’ Cobretti accidentally firing a bullet into a colleague’s head. COPS fail.

There has been a LOT of media attention lately about cruelty to cats, Cat Woman and her pussy-trashing incident caused an uproar in the pet-loving community. So it comes as a welcome relief in this day & age of inhumane treatment towards our little furry friends that a hero steps into the fray with an obvious love & respect towards the containment & protection of our feline friends – But alas, as with all good endevours, his attempts to help others is severly rebuked – Mike, you will always be someone i will look up to – LMAO!

Chicks love it when you cook for them (or in this case make them a sammich), but you need to put a bit of yourself into it as well, you know, to make it ’special’ – Not Jam! I’d be pissed too. I mean, who the fuck puts jam in a sandwich? For a five year old, yeah. But for a grown adult, how about something a bit more nutritional, or even exciting. Like some ham, or cheese, or salad, or chicken. Or all those things together with some ‘man-mayo’ maybe? And a ton of other ingredients.

Introducing the ‘Boob-Apron’, it’s quite possibly the most heinous invention for the office-place since a 40hr week & 1hr lunchtime. Why the hell would anyone invent something to ruin a man’s happiness? This infomercial for the joy-killing CamiSecret gets a male point-of-view overdub explaining why only the most cold hearted killjoy chick would wear one of these dream-robbing funbag napkins. Wouldn’t the workplace be better if girls could see each other’s cleavage….and kiss? Place your order now and ruin the fun for everyone!

Watching this is the closest I’ll ever get to riding a bike, let alone doing it with such skill. Maybe it would’ve been funnier if he’d crashed into the crowd decapitating a bystander. Would’ve been gruesome though. I need to attach one of these cameras to my head when I go out drinking on a Friday night. I can never remember anything after midnight anyway, and then I get to watch the night back Saturday morning in HD. And find out what the heck happened.

This lady makes the Target chain a target. You see what I did there. Took me hours to think of that. But that’s because I was out all night snorting hookers and eating cocaine. Which is exactly what this woman should’ve been doing instead of this dumbass protest. Duh! Way to go lady, you sure showed them. F#ck those money-grabbing Republicans!

I was always wondering if they were going to do a sequel. After all once that ship sunk, then, erm, well yeah. Shit, how are they going to do a sequel. Oh, I see it’s 100 years later. Riiiight. Well let’s hope that while it’s out at sea it hits a flying mega sharktopus and that’s what sinks it. Now that, I would like to see – Please God, tell me this isn’t real? ……”I’ll never let go Jack!”, yeah, right, she never liked you anyway Leo, there was space on that wardrobe for 2!

The GaGa girl(?) finally blew a fuse and decided to try out some crowd-surfing at a music festival during the Semi Precious Weapons’ set at Lollapalooza. Nothing strange about that i hear you ask, except the singer jumped into the male audience whilst wearing very, VERY little – With hands all over her i’m guessing some people came away with the knowledge of whether she is a real lady and not a lady-boy, as rumours have suggested – Either way, she got back on stge wearing a LOT less than she crowd-surfed with!

Along with the drinking and the smoking is the womanising, and boy do they know how. And if you want to know how to seduce a woman then you could do a lot worse than listening to the suave copy writers, creative directors and ad men of Madison Avenue. And their associates and friends. So, sit back and enjoy a masterclass. AWESOME!!

When two epic intellects met…they probably cured cancer and then got run over, when they went out for tacos, by a giant chicken who was crossing at the road……..or something. Anyway, that’s another story, this story is about two funny men meeting and making you laugh till you pee. Or pee till you laugh. Peelaugh.