It’s things like this that keep me from leaving the house and actually experiencing the real world – SERIOUSLY!! Instead I just watch videos about other people experiencing it. Hey, it works for me! This unlucky, hungover, & desperate for a crap climber gets his knee stuck in an off-width climb (now renamed ‘Boogie ’til You Poop’ in his honor), and hilarity and brutality ensues. Here we see the two dramatic ‘faeces’ of comedy & tragedy played out in full. Majestic.

Remember that scene in the movie Deliverance? Nah, not that one with the Dueling Banjos, but the other one, in the woods with the rednecks, and that fat guy who looks like a pig. Yeah, exactly, harrowing wasn’t it. Well, now the tables have been turned as a redneck gets a taste of what it feels like to be Andy Dufresne? Sharing a cell with a hairy man-ape whose sexual tastes are unknown is a situation you should try and avoid. Where’s Morgan Freeman when you need him…”Squeal like a piggy boy!!!”

Well, here it is, a 2-year-old baby smoking a tab. And you know what, I bet you never look this cool when smoking. Christ, look at him, it makes me want to smoke a pack of 20 right now. Somebody give him a bottle of Wild Turkey and let’s get this goddamn party started. Hey! Don’t bogart that joint now Mr 2-year-old…And get him away from my crack pipe. Jeez, that stuff’s expensive.

Is this the future of horror? Demented surgeons transforming wayward travelers into human insects? Let’s hope so, because it’s all so delightfully ridiculous as this mad scientist transforms these luckless humans into…the human centipede! Via their gastric systems. Now that really is ‘BAD TASTE!’ Muha. Muhaha. Muhahahahahahahaha!

Forget Bruce Lee, he was a wuss…Jet Li, who’s he?…..Jackie Chan, i don’t think he can? – Nope, the guy you want in your corner when the brown stuff hits the fan is none other than Ricky! I know, it’s not the kinda name you associate with a killing machine and he hasn’t got a sidekick dawg called ‘Well Hard’, but nonetheless, he has more guts than your average Kung Fu fighter and some very nifty knot tying skillz – In short, Ricky is a GOD!!!

‘It rubs the lotion on it’s skin – Or else it gets the hose again’ – Those lyrics invoke So many warm memories in my warped mind and now Lego have made all my perverted dreams cum true by creating a musical to mark my favourite movie moment from The Silence Of The Lambs – Buffalo Bill has never sounded so good (or camp!)….Oh Clariceeeee!

This is the film we’ve all been waiting a very long time for, featuring possibly the best trailer voice in the history of trailers! And if that isn’t good enough, there’s robot geishas with spikes that come out of their mouths! YES!

So there you are reading your book out on the porch, things are good, you’re relaxed and then you’re girlfriend comes out waving what looks like a…ewwww! And next thing you know you’re shouting soup. I can’t wait to see his revenge…

We’re in Jerry Springer-style talk show territory here. So hang onto your mullet and prepare to barf as this fat excuse for a human being describes to us how – on that fateful summer, possibly at band camp – a dog licked her vajayjay as she bent over while she was naked and about to go skinny dipping. What a vision. WTF?

Next week, “I fucked a T-Rex in the ass and now I’ve got cat AIDS”.

Have you laughed at a fat person today? No? Well now’s the time. And this girl isn’t just fat, she’s a Twilight fangirl as well. How she can love something so shite is anyone’s guess. At least she’s happy though. Now go eat another bucket of chicken Snorlax!