This little girl will go a very long way in life. She will overcome many obstacles and achieve everything she sets out to achieve. She will accumulate more stuff than her peers and therefore be happier and they shall envy her and wish they had her stuff, but she will scoff and pretend she cares not for stuff, all the while gathering more and more. Such is this little girl’s destiny.

Old movies are pretty fucking dull. Nothing happens and it happens very slowly. People were a lot stupider then and couldn’t keep up. Luckily someone has found a way of making old shit funny for smart modern people.

This is almost the perfect way to travel - the one teensy downside is you don’t get very far because you die tangled in a scorching mangled twisted metal mess. And people you never much liked anyway shake their heads in pretend sorry and say things like “well he was always and complete fucking moron wasn’t he?”

It’s Independence Day across the pond, and to celebrate this some superannuated old fart has made a sorry little film of his anti-British rant, conveniently forgetting that if it wasn’t for us he would not exist and whoever was in his place would be speaking French or, worse, German and that revealing the massive chip he has on his shoulder about not being as good as the British just makes us piss ourselves laughing.

Of course the whole thing is ironic but since, apart from a handful of liberal aesthetes in New York and Matt and Trey, the Yanks don’t understand irony (or books) they will all take it seriously.

A promo from some amazing new band. These guys are going to be bigger than Alphabeat. Check out the lyrics. Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing dude!

Bla bla bla women drivers bla bla bla can’t drive for shit bla bla bla shouldn’t be allowed behind the wheel bla bla. For pity’s sake, its 2008, are we still having this tired old conversation? Why can’t women just fucking learn to drive and end this once and for all. Because they really do suck.

There are only three variables that make this behaviour possible: sudden death, alcohol or rage. or a combination of any of the three. Or, far more intriguingly, the vehicle in question could be being driven by a goat that thinks it knows how to drive. That would look good on the police report: “here’s my report into the crash sir” “you’re fucking fired you fucking jackass, now fuck off”. Fired police officer drowns his sorrows all day at the bar, drives home in a rage, suddenly dies of a massive stress-induced heart attack, smashes his pickup into the yard at high speed. And the world turns…

The world is a dark, brutal, nasty place in which we live short dark brutal nasty and largely pointless lives. Luckily, every so often, proof of a higher plane of existence flashes fleetingly in front of us and shapes some sort of tangible meaning  - shining a light into the murky darkness. This video is just such proof.

Apart from his terrible taste in dodgy new age music, you have to love Matt Harding.  If life is a game where no one knows the rules, then he has basically won. And if you can win with nothing more than an engagingly silly little jig, then there’s hope for us all. Bless him.

This is kind of different: not only do you watch a video on the Internet, but the Internet watches back… Which is fine, except if it starts happening on a regular basis. There are too many people doing too many unspeakable things in front of their computers for the web to start watching. It would instantly become an extremely dark collective subconsciousness that would leave anyone who approached it catatonic with terror.