Individually they held your attention for no more than a few minutes, but collectively the viral vids of 2013 took up a significant portion of your online life, so why not let them take up even more time by looking back and reminiscing about them all in song—they’re all here, from the Russian meteorite to Chris Hadfield doing Bowie and Miley and her wrecking ball.
Time to get your post-Christmas R’n'R going on as you settle down to enjoy an absolute classic fantasy movie from Terry Gilliam that has a sterling cast featuring Sean Connery, John Cleese, Shelley Duvall, Ian Holm, Michael Palin and plenty more playing famous characters from history, as a little eleven year old boy goes on a time-travelling adventure with a bunch of dwarves that sees them battling Evil incarnate and meeting the Supreme Being. It’s still pretty awesome.
Some people offend so easily, like this openly gay guy’s coworker for example—since when has the office not been an appropriate place to show people pictures of your anus? Or your “I Heart Peckers” mug? Or your scrotum cosies that you’ve been knitting with your purple penis knitting needles? Jeez, when did the workplace get so conservative.
Nothing says you mean something to someone more than a Christmas text—the effort and time it takes to compose and then send “Merry Christmas!” just shows how much they care for you and how much you matter to them. Or maybe it means the complete opposite, but don’t let that get you down, at least they sent you a text, they could’ve just not bothered, or worse, sent one of those emails with a link to their disembodied head dancing about on a Christmas elf.
The dream team of Freddie Wong and Sneaky Zebra team up to shoot the crap out of everything—when the Sneaky Zebra guys get themselves in a bit of a jam, they call on Freddie to come and John Woo the shit out of the bad guys taking them down with double guns before finishing on a pun—just like any decent action hero worth their salt would.
The Dark Crystal was one of those movies that really captured your imagination if you saw it as a kid, haunting the recesses of your mind with the strange fantasy world you saw before you. But it turns out that Jim Henson and Frank Oz, the directors, wanted it even darker than the version that was released in the cinema and this is that version. Perfect late night viewing for the Christmas season.
Not the sort of confession you expect to hear from an A list, Oscar-winning Hollywood movie star on a popular TV chat show, but Jennifer Lawrence isn’t your ordinary star—here she reveals to Conan how a maid discovered a box full of butt plugs hidden under the bed. What was Jennifer Lawrence doing with a stash of sex toys in a hotel room? Watch the vid and find out.
Nothing says Christmas like meth labs and drug gang warfare, so forget about all that tinsel-covered crap and learn the true meaning of the festive period the Breaking Bad way—from fried hens to gold rocks (They’re minerals! Jesus Marie!) to Saul and gruesome murders, all the joy of the series is here for you to sing along to and remember how awesome, and very violent, it all was.
Anything Van Damme can do, Chuck Norris can do better—and so here he delivers a Christmas message to one and all, or a digital version of him does, but he’s no less epic doing the splits between two aircraft wings while balancing the entire squad from elite SEAL Team 6 on his head in the shape of a Christmas tree, with lights on. Oh yeah, and the aircraft are in flight.
These “ultimate” compilations seem to come out every other week, so not quite sure whoever writes the title for the vids really understands the meaning of the word. But anyway, don’t let that stop you from watching with disdain, wonder and mirth as these women fall over and trip up, clash mid-air on skateboards and generally do themselves an injury.
Oh wow, it really doesn’t get any better than this. And if you’re really old, you may remember this from when it was on TV back in the early 1900s, a real treat for kids back then who could only really expect a clip round the ear on Christmas morning and if they were lucky, a lump of cow shit for them to play with. But you try telling that to the kids of today, they won’t believe you.
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