So, it now seems the iPad is the musical instrument du jour for the discerning pop star about town. And playing live? Forget using a stage, that was so 1998. Now it’s all about an impromptu gig at your local mobile phone retailer, preferably you have a friend who works there and can grant you [...]

This girl has got talent, real talent. The sort of talent that means she can down, not even that much coca-cola, just about a quarter of a glass, and then burp like a drunk builder. And she can also speak-burp — all of which means she’s a viral mega-lulz, no doubt ending up on Jay [...]

Pikeys: love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’ve got to know that they f#cking LOVE their horses, and do cracking weddings where everyone shows up drunk, rapidly gets much drunker, and goes from laughing and singing to shouting and insulting to fighting and stabbing in quick succession, punctuated only by brief respites in which they brag [...]

Christmas global No.1? It’s got every thing a good festive single needs: terrible jumpers that are an abomination on fashion, a greasy-haired geek legend, spurned love and soppy lyrics, a cat, mistletoe, log fires, and an epic keytar solo. The internet can make it happen.

A shameless way to promote their brand, it’s just fortunate for us that La Senza make underwear and not Spanx for fat chicks. So we get cute girls in their smalls lying down on beds saucily “oohing” and “aahing” while shots of their breasts and butts are intercut with the music. Just like on Christmas [...]

What came first, the shitty rave music or the drugs? The chicken dance or the egg? Who cares, both are awesome. So, you know, ring up Mental Dave and get some Little Men, 20 mitsubishis, jump in the motor and let’s gurn this weekend away. Whoop-whoop! That’s the sound of a Sunday come down. Slamming [...]

Whether you’re Spider-Man, Iron Man, Batman, Kick-Ass, Spartacus, or whoever. You always need an introduction, and how you go about that matters because it’s going to be the first impression you make on your audience, don’t want them to think you’re a major asshole, do you? Well, unless you are Major Asshole.

It’s nearing the festive holidays, so that means some fat guy with a beard telling us to go f#ck ourselves. And he’s not even Santa. This is always my favourite part of the season of goodwill, when somebody sings abuse at you for not liking stuff. And it’s a time to reflect on how selfish [...]

If you’ve spent your entire teenage years getting ripped to the eyeballs on MDMA powder in Ibiza while mainlining whiskey into your ears, then this sort of behaviour just goes with the territory really. Ecstasy is a helluva drug, and performing moves like this in a public swimming pool whilst pulling your bikini out of [...]

Toast, who doesn’t like it? These guys liked it so much they made a video using 215 loaves of the stuff. They stole the bread, that magically turned into toast somehow, stole it from starving orphans from all the war-torn countries of the world. Then they forced them to watch this video while laughing manically. [...]

Do you know what it takes to become a Victoria’s Secret Angel? It’s like a contest for ninja-warrior-Olympian-Mensa-Illuminati. It’s that difficult, so when you see a bunch of sensuous super beings shamelessly miming badly in their underwear to a Katy Perry track, there’s only one thing you can do. Be grateful.