Skateboarding is so Michael J. Fox circa 1985/55. It’s all about using live animals now, so go grab your pet, rip its paws off and replace them with some gnarly Bones STFs and then take to the streets and start busting some double flip ollie wing grinders on someone’s face. You will be so street [...]

You know that scene in “The Deer Hunter”, the one everyone always goes on about that they copied to advertise those assorted-centre chocolates? Yeah that one. Well this is even more agonizing. Replacing bullets with the much more painful thumbtacks, it’s so intense you could cut the atmos with a sharp pin, which they kind [...]

Sorry free world, but i’m right behind Hitler on this one! All this sickly vapid pop crap is not the Fuhrer’s favourite sort of music, so as you can imagine he’s pretty pissed at Rebecca Black. He could just about stand the abysmal horror of Justin Bieber’s giant shit on popular music but “Friday” is [...]

YAY! I get to have a lightsaber fight with Ashens….But first: Technology, people think it’s doing us good. But it’s not, it’s doing us bad. Before you know it we won’t be able to take a shit without the aid of an iPhone app telling us how to squat and open our bowels. So it’s [...]

The Food Liberation Army in Finland have…*dramatic pause*…kidnapped a Ronald McDonald statue and are now holding him hostage unless their demands are met. Demands about getting some free Big Macs, some large fries, a couple of chocolate milkshakes and a Quarter Pounder with cheese, but hold the gherkins.

What would you do if you’re in a store and a robbery took place? Probably shit yourself and start blubbering for your life. Fortunately you don’t need to answer that question, instead answer this: Who would you want to be your vigilante saviour? A nerd, a fat karate chump, or hot chick. Got to be [...]

Whoever said that language isn’t a universal thing was obviously a complete virgin and never really took a moment to consider the unspoken language of ‘love’, or in this case, pretty much the next best thing, the female reaction a chick has to sitting on Microlab’s latest commercial offering. It may sound like complete Russian [...]

What a year it’s been, what a year indeed! How could we have not come this far without hearing such immortal words such as “EAT the poo-poo!”, “Who the f*ck is Justin Bieber??!”, “Gingers have souls!”, “Double rainbow all the way!” and more fake crying than you could ever throw a box of Kleenex at. [...]

Ah the good gold days, when you’d tie an old piece of cord around the local neighbourhood girl’s waist and push her off the top of a decrepit block of flats, watching her fly through the air while her blood-curdling screams of terror bounce around off the other dilapidated buildings, risking her life for a [...]

You’ve not seen anything until you’ve seen a giant-moobed man-flab lurching towards you in slow motion like a wobbling mass of fat. It’ll really set your day on fire, give you that boost you needed to carry you through the afternoon and into the evening, where you can start skulling beers with the best of [...]

Erm, OK. Not quite sure what this is all about. A ninja walks into a bedroom, brutally slays two teenagers then starts getting his groove on with a couple of his ninja bros. It must make sense to somebody, maybe somebody strung out on horse tranquillisers. Yeah, that’s what we’re missing. Somebody go get some [...]