House gets his harmonica out and shows us that it isn’t just all about being a wisecracking, misanthropic doctor. It’s also about being a mumbling protest singer, so come gather round all ye children of the sun gods and sing the rallying cry of hope from the jaws of heroes “All we gotta do is ________” . It’s a simple solution really, why did no one think of this before? Genius.
This is Ben Grove, with a killer hangover, on the meanish streets of Manchester, surfing the curb on his board of power. Nothing can stop him, not even one of those barriers that cars have to stop in front of, such is his skateboarding skills even the concrete jungle bows down to his superior awesomeness. He’s fooking mad for it our kid. Someone twist his melon and get him a kinky afro.
The eternal dance between the sexes, the oldest tale in the world of boy meets girl, girl sucks boy’s eyeball, boy suffers. The allure of the femme, the duel between the two, the sucking of eyeballs, it happens the world over, every day, all day, and will continue to do so forever. Amen. And here it is depicted with great visual flair, a comic style, in all its ambiguity. Now everyone go out and get laid.
Holy f#cking giant bitey insects Batman! We showed a video of this insect a while back from deep within in the Amazonian jungles of South America and prayed it would stay put! Then it turned up in India and now some chick has had an encounter with one in the USA and the damn thing has bitten her, before she had a chance to stomp it’s arachnoid ass – WTF!? Lock your doors, barricade the windows and forget the zombie invasion, for there is a new kid on the block and it wants your blood!
You’ve got some hot South Korean beauties? Check. You have an addictive catchy pop number that sticks in your head & beats humming Rebecca Black all day? Check. Looks like we’ve got a contender for pop song of the year. Thank God for the internet or this cute band may’ve passed us all by & we’d be stuck with the horror of the Black Eyed Peas or some other such pop turd. I know what you all are thinking, “is this the future of music?”, i dearly hope not, but you may as well take what you can get before it dies.
Taking two of the internet’s favourite photo tricks — HDR and time-lapse — united together for a glitzy, disorientating spin round Las Vegas. Well, a spin around Las Vegas from his hotel balcony, but it still captures the chaos and madness that is the city in the desert. “We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold…” – Either that or Nicholas Cage drinking himse;f to death with the delectable Elizabeth Shue wrapped in his arms (idiot!).
Why are people awesome? Because they can balance themselves on a pedal-driven vehicle or plywood board with wheels attached and perform various tricks. Hell, they might even be able to balance on one of those things while on a ramp, which makes them truly amazing. They can also dive from really high up and jump from tall buildings at heights that make you feel queasy. They can’t figure out how to give the world clean water though, can they?
“Don’t Do It in the Park!” – God! It really pisses this guy off when people snowboard in this park in Reno. And he will get really angry and weird if you start messing up the landscaping by boarding in the park. And strangely enough, his dick takes a beating when you do it too, which he’s happy to divulge. And he’s divorced and by the sounds of it, bordering on psychotic, almost ready for a total melt-down. So yeah, don’t fuck up his trees.
Meet ‘Game Boy’. This guy should head to L.A. and start his career in the hills of Hollywood. Here he face acts out the worst 50 video game voices from Resident Evil to Time Crisis and beyond. And, let’s be honest, it’s pretty amazing stuff. Even though he’s only face acting, he’s in perfect synch. And this is far more entertaining than most Hollywood rom-com shite.
Do bears sh#t in the woods? No. They sit around and smoke dope! This one’ll get you through the infectious sound of her laughter, as this newsreader tries to deliver a story about a marijuana plantation that was guarded by 13 bears, a big dog, a Vietnamese pig and a raccoon. No wonder she couldn’t help pissing herself laughing, it sounds like the beginnings of a ridiculous joke. The guys at the plantation must’ve been pretty damn high when they came up with the idea to use Noah’s discarded animals to guard their crop. Genius.
If Jim Henson had given a shit about last night’s leftovers he may’ve had the heart to make something like this. Instead we get Fozzie Bear and it’s left to Dave Green to give the gift of life to a ham sandwich, some celery, spaghetti, mayo and all that other crap you have festering in your fridge. What it amounts to is a rousing, epic, life-affirming battle against ice. Next time you close that fridge door, think about what you’re leaving behind, you animal.
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