Pikeys: love ‘em or hate ‘em, you’ve got to know that they f#cking LOVE their horses, and do cracking weddings where everyone shows up drunk, rapidly gets much drunker, and goes from laughing and singing to shouting and insulting to fighting and stabbing in quick succession, punctuated only by brief respites in which they brag [...]

Christmas global No.1? It’s got every thing a good festive single needs: terrible jumpers that are an abomination on fashion, a greasy-haired geek legend, spurned love and soppy lyrics, a cat, mistletoe, log fires, and an epic keytar solo. The internet can make it happen.

A shameless way to promote their brand, it’s just fortunate for us that La Senza make underwear and not Spanx for fat chicks. So we get cute girls in their smalls lying down on beds saucily “oohing” and “aahing” while shots of their breasts and butts are intercut with the music. Just like on Christmas [...]

What came first, the shitty rave music or the drugs? The chicken dance or the egg? Who cares, both are awesome. So, you know, ring up Mental Dave and get some Little Men, 20 mitsubishis, jump in the motor and let’s gurn this weekend away. Whoop-whoop! That’s the sound of a Sunday come down. Slamming [...]

It’s nearing the festive holidays, so that means some fat guy with a beard telling us to go f#ck ourselves. And he’s not even Santa. This is always my favourite part of the season of goodwill, when somebody sings abuse at you for not liking stuff. And it’s a time to reflect on how selfish [...]

Erm, OK. Not quite sure what this is all about. A ninja walks into a bedroom, brutally slays two teenagers then starts getting his groove on with a couple of his ninja bros. It must make sense to somebody, maybe somebody strung out on horse tranquillisers. Yeah, that’s what we’re missing. Somebody go get some [...]

What is it with scientific experiments going horribly, horribly wrong? Keeps happening, all the time. Is it the same mad professors doing it? Shouldn’t they be struck off? Just take this video, one system failure and that’s it, the world is in jeopardy and giant monsters start attacking. When will they learn.

Toast, who doesn’t like it? These guys liked it so much they made a video using 215 loaves of the stuff. They stole the bread, that magically turned into toast somehow, stole it from starving orphans from all the war-torn countries of the world. Then they forced them to watch this video while laughing manically. [...]

Do you know what it takes to become a Victoria’s Secret Angel? It’s like a contest for ninja-warrior-Olympian-Mensa-Illuminati. It’s that difficult, so when you see a bunch of sensuous super beings shamelessly miming badly in their underwear to a Katy Perry track, there’s only one thing you can do. Be grateful.

Some shocking news in this second installment, poor Chorus Guy. But the rest of the collective are keeping it real with their raps about bees and polite Canadian guy letting us know what it’s all aboot. And MC Doesn’t Know How To Pluralise is showing the world what he’s all about with these sick rhyme. [...]

So what’s wrong with a post-coital bong? Nothing, nothing at all. Combine both these earthly pleasures and you’ll feel even better. It’s simple mathematics. If one pleasure is enjoyable, then adding two of the most pleasurable activities on this earth together can only result in something even better. Amirite?